Maree's Blog

Biochemical Triggers For Quality Conversations

Details

06 March 2019

Did you know that biochemical reactions are triggered at every level of our bodies when we make contact with other people?

There are chemical responses to any interaction we have and we pick up electrical signals from others as well. At the moment of contact there is an energy exchange; on top of which we layer our old memories about the person – this leads us make sense of who they are and to trust or not trust and if we safely connect.

Words help us to create the chemical responses to build trust or distrust:

• We expand and include when we say “and”.
• We limit and exclude when we say “but”.
• We appreciate when we say things like: “Let’s talk about how you can crack the code on this”, “that’s a great way of thinking about that idea” and “thanks for spending time on solving this”.
• We limit when we say: “This better work or else” or “my jobs on the line if this doesn’t work”.
• We expand people when we say: “Imagine if we could…” and “How might we …”.
• We withhold from people when we say: “It’s none of your business” or “you don’t need to know”.
• We exclude when we say things like: “I’ll let you know when I need you” or “you don’t have the experience to know how” or “you wouldn’t understand”.
• We include when we say things like: “Whom can we ask for help on this” and “let’s do a debrief on what’s working and what we need to put more energy into”.
• We judge when we say things like: “You are just not cutting it.”
• We share when we say: “Do you have another perspective I should consider” and “I have thinking about <this>, what do you think”.
• We show vulnerability when we say: “I don’t have all the answers here and need to hear from you”.
• We are knowing when we say: “There’s no way this will fly here”.
• We are discovering when we say: “Let’s experiment and give it a try”.
• We are dictating when we say: “Just do as I say”.
• We are developing when we say: “Let’s talk about how to make it happen”.
• We are criticising when we say: “You’re making this too complicated”.
• We are celebrating when we say: “I’m honoured to make this journey with you”.